Tension, a Project(ion) of Perfection

I’m having trouble managing my tension.

My tension is uneven.

Sometimes I’m so tight that I can barely move.

Sometimes I’m so loose that I seem to slip right off track.

This is a post about knitting, and also it isn’t.

I’m learning to knit right now. I would say that I’m teaching myself to knit, but that really isn’t true. A whole great group of people who have been so kind as to share tutorials and information online are teaching me to knit. I’m just learning it. But, the tension is a thing. It’s not a problem I have had that much with crochet, so this is a new one on me.

I’ve had a stomach bug twice lately (or maybe food poisoning the second time). In between and since, my stomach has just been in some state of continual churning. I suspect it’s a reflection of my mind. The tension is a thing. It’s a problem I have had before, so this is not a new one for me.

I’m having trouble managing my tension.

I have some ideas about all of this.

I’m pretty sure that it will work itself out in the yarn over time, as I let go a little and stop trying so hard. I’m pretty sure it can all work itself out in my mind and my body if I can let go a little and stop trying so hard to be perfect.

I’m pretty sure that one of the things I need to let go of is worry about the mistakes that have already been made. There is a row of knitting right now in this project that is about 10 rows back and too loose. I could rip back to that row and reknit it, but I’m pretty sure there will be another imperfection before I finish the 10 rows again. I have recently made what feels like a big mistake at work, just a few “rows” back. I can’t rip out these days and redo them. Even if I could, making a different choice or doing a different thing might well have had other negative ramifications that I can’t see clearly from here.

I’m having trouble managing my tension. I need to let it go.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That’s how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen