I’m having trouble managing my tension.
My tension is uneven.
Sometimes I’m so tight that I can barely move.
Sometimes I’m so loose that I seem to slip right off track.
This is a post about knitting, and also it isn’t.
I’m learning to knit right now. I would say that I’m teaching myself to knit, but that really isn’t true. A whole great group of people who have been so kind as to share tutorials and information online are teaching me to knit. I’m just learning it. But, the tension is a thing. It’s not a problem I have had that much with crochet, so this is a new one on me.
I’ve had a stomach bug twice lately (or maybe food poisoning the second time). In between and since, my stomach has just been in some state of continual churning. I suspect it’s a reflection of my mind. The tension is a thing. It’s a problem I have had before, so this is not a new one for me.
I’m having trouble managing my tension.
I have some ideas about all of this.
I’m pretty sure that it will work itself out in the yarn over time, as I let go a little and stop trying so hard. I’m pretty sure it can all work itself out in my mind and my body if I can let go a little and stop trying so hard to be perfect.
I’m pretty sure that one of the things I need to let go of is worry about the mistakes that have already been made. There is a row of knitting right now in this project that is about 10 rows back and too loose. I could rip back to that row and reknit it, but I’m pretty sure there will be another imperfection before I finish the 10 rows again. I have recently made what feels like a big mistake at work, just a few “rows” back. I can’t rip out these days and redo them. Even if I could, making a different choice or doing a different thing might well have had other negative ramifications that I can’t see clearly from here.
I’m having trouble managing my tension. I need to let it go.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That’s how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen
We have a little joke in my house. Well, it’s not exactly a joke, because I’m usually pretty annoyed when I say it, but it has a joke history. You know how people tend to select the wrong word when there are two words that are spelled similarly (like “then” and “than,” “to” and “too”)? One of those mistakes, that I see often online, is loose instead of lose. “I hope I start loosing weight soon on this diet.” So, when I get really stressed out at home, I tend to announce, “If ____ doesn’t stop soon, I will LOOSE my mind!”