Gratitude Doesn’t Have To Be Hard Work – It Can Just Be

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kindness that stands behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude. — Albert Schweitzer

Here we are in the holiday season, a time of year which – for  many people celebrating many different holidays – involves some exchanging or giving of gifts.  And, that means saying, “thank you,” and hopefully meaning it.  Saying thank you for a gift isn’t so difficult — well, it can be for some people; I’ve had to give more than one child a talking-to about how important it is to say thank you for a present received, even if it isn’t the one you had in mind.   But really meaning that thank you, and being openly grateful for all of the other gifts we receive that don’t come in box with a ribbon, those can be more of a challenge sometimes.

Deep down, I think that most people know that life is a gift.  Opening your eyes in the morning is something for which to feel gratitude.  Having loved ones, even when they are a little annoying, is a blessing.  Clean(ish) air to breath, safe water to drink, enough food on the table, shelter to live in, and adequate medical care are not things to take for granted and so many people do not have them.  I like to think we know we should feel thankful for fulfillment of our basic needs.  Yet, maybe we don’t always remember to express that gratitude – to get it out of the back of our minds and into our actions.

Beyond basic needs, most of exist, in some way, in positions of privilege which are a gift.  Different people experience different privilege, which can be based on age, race, sexual orientation, ethnicity, sex, socioeconomic status, occupation, country/area of residence, family connections, religious status, political affiliation, educational status, appearance, and so on.  Sometimes we may feel a certain guilt about our privileged status (because it often is a result of how/when/where we were born and the opportunities thus presented to us and not to others), which may stand in the way of being able to really express gratitude for the possibilities that it offers.

There are also all the things that those around us do, on a daily basis, to care for and support us.  It could be picking up the groceries, making dinner every night, cleaning the toilet, a hand on the small of the back, opening a door, adding paper to the printer, filling the cups on the water cooler, bringing candy for the bowl on the counter, folding the yoga blankets neatly, and so much more.  It’s easy enough to overlook things like this when someone does them regularly, because the person begins to fade into the background and the benefit becomes an expectation, making us perhaps more likely to be annoyed by non-performance than we are grateful for performance.

Even the troubles of our lives are something that deserve gratitude.  How can we know happiness without sorrow?  What would help us to grow and develop as beings if there were  no adversity?  How can self-confidence really be cultivated with nothing to overcome?  It’s not necessarily something that we think of – saying “thanks” for the bad things – and yet…

So, yeah, there is a whole lot to be grateful for – all of it, actually.  It’s a bit difficult to imagine how we could adequately begin to express thankfulness for all of it.  But, perhaps it is possible.  We can begin by being more mindful.  Really paying attention to the full experience in any given moment would go a long way.  This would help us to not just see the things that are hard or disappointing in every minute of life (my head hurts), but also the part that is fine or good or great in every moment (my toe feels fine!).

Such awareness of the things for which we should be grateful opens up the opportunity to express that gratitude.  Perhaps sometimes that involves saying thank you to someone you don’t usually thank, or doing something nice for him/her.  But expressing gratitude doesn’t have to be about saying thanks for a specific gift we have been given.  It can also be in our every action.  Working at the soup kitchen, dropping off clothes at goodwill, volunteering time for the community animal shelter, donating to a charity, all of these can be acts of thanks for the many privileges we have been given.  Even slicing an onion with awareness we can be thinking, “This is a beautiful onion that is making my eyes water.  I am so glad to have this onion and these eyes.”  That sense of wonder and gratitude is then going to be translated into the simple act of cutting the onion.  A yoga practice, a hymn sung, a garden planted, a floor vacuumed – done with a whole heart and with a sense of thankfulness, whether or not that is directed toward any specific  being, is gratitude in action.

Considered in this way, showing gratitude is not just about something “extra” we have to do (though we should still keep volunteering and donating and giving to others), it becomes an aspect of everything that we do already.  Eating a peanut butter sandwich or brushing teeth can become an act of thanks.  How easy is that?  Our whole being can be an act of gratitude.

But, teach your kids to say “thank you” anyway.  And thank you for reading this blog post!

Accept Yourself and Be Beautiful

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. When you are born a lotus flower, be a beautiful lotus flower, don’t try to be a magnolia flower. If you crave acceptance and recognition and try to change yourself to fit what other people want you to be, you will suffer all your life. True happiness and true power lie in understanding yourself, accepting yourself, having confidence in yourself.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Power

When I was a child, my mother used to go through these “fits of interest” in a particular activity.  She would get interested in something, say leather work or model ship building or jigsaw puzzles or studying Japan, and it would take over her life.  Soon, we would have a room (or the dining room table) completely devoted to the activity, and have spent much money buying supplies and equipment needed for it.  Sometimes, she would insist that we all got involved – the jigsaw puzzles stand out here – and everyone would have to become a part of the process.  All of her time would be spent in pursuit of this activity, and it could go on for months, even a year or more.  Then, as suddenly as it began, it was over.  The equipment would get dusty from disuse, the books cast aside, items partially finished would linger on the counter, and eventually the next big thing would take over and the prior project would be cleared away to make way for the new one.

I never really understood what was going on with my mother.  She was good at these things she did, and she would get even better in the course of a certain obsession.  But, I was baffled at how deeply she became involved and how much of her (time, money, self) it consumed.  Now, as an adult, I think I get it.  She just wanted to be the best at something, or everything.  She was looking for that accomplishment that would make her “good.”

It’s so hard, for many of us, to be ok with who we are.  I’m no exception to this.  I can talk a good (excellent – HA!) game about equanimity and detachment and acceptance and asmita (egoism), but I have a very hard time really letting go of my urge to be better than I am.  This has revealed itself in so many ways in my life.  Dieting led to eating disorders for me, in a never ending quest to be thinner and better by giving in to the urges of the body less.  In my career, each accomplishment only causes me to think about what the next goal should be.  When I had my children, each childbirth experience was somehow flawed by my failings, and I would be determined that the next would be better.  If I start drawing or painting again, my first thought is that I’m not very good and I need to figure out how to improve.  My yoga mentor, Beth, would probably even tell you that my head leads all through my asana practice.  Oy.

I wish I knew what this was all about.  Why is it so hard to accept ourselves and be beautiful?  Is it all cultural, what we learned from growing up in societies that stress the value of success?  Is it part of our nature as a human animal?  Are we naturally programmed to be in competition with one another like lions compete for control of the pride?  Is it a little of each?  I don’t know.  But, I do know it’s a challenge for most of us, and likely one that is life long.

Maybe, the key is to try to accept the self in the now.  In this moment, be ok with who we are and be beautiful as we are.  Maybe tomorrow we’ll be back on the roller coaster of accomplishment and self-criticism.  But, if in this one instant we can be all right with exactly what we are now – all right with the wrinkles by the eyes, the belly that isn’t a sixpack (but could hold a sixpack), the singing voice that only has a range of 3 notes – all of it – we can really allow ourselves to be beautiful in the now.  And, maybe those moments of now will build up over time and make it all a little bit more possible.

Rockabilly Playlist – Thoughts?

I’ve been working on a rockabilly playlist for a yoga and music class.  This is what I have right now.  Let me know if I’m missing someone/something major that should be added!

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Before Class

Johnny Got a Boom Boom – Imelda May
Zoot Suit Riot – Cherry Poppin’ Daddies
Woo Hoo – Rock*A*Teens
Big Old Town – Dibbs Preston & the Detonators
Rumblin Bass – Lee Rocker
Rock Billy Boogie – Robert Gordon
My Baby Left Me – Chris Isaak
Straight A’s In Love – Johnny Cash
Hot Rod Hillbilly – Billy Burnette
Drinkin’ & Smokin’ Cigarettes – Reverend Horton Heat

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During Class (90 minute class)

Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Queen
Going Up The Country – Kitty, Daisy, and Lewis
New York City Girls – Reverend Horton Heat
Stop, Look, and Listen – Patsy Cline
The Shape I’m In – Johnny Restivo
Rave On – Buddy Holly
20 Flight Rock – Eddie Cochran
Sunglasses After Dark – Dwight Pullen
Fujiyama Mama – Wanda Jackson
Ooby Dooby – Roy Orbison
Everybody’s Trying to be My Baby – Carl Perkins
Drugstore Rock N Roll – Janis Martin
Be-Bop-A-Lula – Gene Vincent
Rock-A-Bop – Sparkle Moore
The Dirty Boogie – Brian Setzer Orchestra
Hot Rock – Johnny Carroll
She’s Sexy & 17 – Stray Cats
The Train Kept a Rollin’ – Johnny Burnette
Mayhem – Imelda May
Rockabilly Guy – Polecats
7 Nights to Rock – Nick Lowe
Real Wild Child – Brian Setzer Orchestra
Whole Lotta Shakin Goin On – Jerry Lee Lewis
Wake Up, Little Susie – Everly Brothers
Not Fade Away – Buddy Holly
That’s All Right – Elvis Presley
Blue Suede Shoes – Carl Perkins
The Worrying Kind – Robert Gordon
I’ll Tell You When _ Kim Lenz
Walking After Midnight – Patsy Cline
Knock 123 – Imelda May