Tag Archives: COVID-19

Life with People – It’s Not Easy

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Sometimes, Astrid Cat has to go get into her garage. Generally, she has her head and front legs hanging out the front, but today, she was 100% tucked into the garage, as if she just really wanted a little time alone. And, I really feel that.

As an introvert, in some ways it’s not that hard to be self-quarantining at home. I’ve left the house a total of 5 times in the last six weeks. And most days, I’m not too bothered by not going anywhere. Though, I will say that, even for me this is a long time to not leave the house for more than an hour.

But, on the other hand, for an introvert this is a lot of time to be with people – twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. And I can feel myself getting a little more stressed by the nearness of others as the weeks extend. I am sure they are feeling the same about me.

I’ve been looking for some ways to reduce friction. My spouse and I are both working from the house and we have very different working styles. I am not a fidgeter, and I usually don’t like music while I work, but if I do it is soft music. He is a tapper and a wiggler and he does like music while he works – kind of loud too. It would be easy for me to get fussy with him for not being still or for playing music. But that isn’t really fair if those things enable him to work more effectively. My style of working isn’t better than his. So, I’ve just made myself a little work area in the family/tv room, since usually no one is here. It’s not quite as convenient in some ways (in fact, right this minute, I’m realizing I really need to get into the office and do some paperwork at the desk tomorrow), but it works better for me and him and I can always go in the office for a while if I want to.

Historically, we always ate at the table as a family for dinner. Then I was away from home for most days of the week for about three years and they got used to all eating wherever and whenever they felt like it. And, right now, spouse and I are working many hours every day on teaching and/or research, two of the adult children are doing college classes online, and two have sleep/wake schedules somewhat different than ours. So, I could insist that we all eat at the table, but I don’t. It does tend to mean that I cook, everyone grabs food and runs, and I (or spouse and I) clean up, but it’s what seems to be least friction-producing right now, so I’ll take it.

At the end of the day, living with other adults isn’t easy. Everyone has their annoying habits – goodness knows I do. But, we have to show each other a little grace and try not to become overly focused on the parts of each other that are annoying or we’ll all just end up miserable. As I’m watching friends and neighbors lose people to COVID-19 and miss their final days, that seems more important than expressing my annoyance over someone else’s behavior, even if it means sometimes “eating” my feelings a bit (I just wash them down with carbs). I would love to be able to say that I’m 100% successful at it, but I’m not. I’ll keep trying though.

So, whoever you are spending your time with right now, I wish you patience and equanimity, or at least the ability to pretend that you are feeling those things. And whether you are able to manage that or not, I wish you good snacks!

I See You in This Time of Uncertainty

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Dear friends:

– who are college/university administrators, I see you. I know you are making the best decisions you can in an almost incomprehensible and totally unpredicted emergency. I know you are doing so with the well-being of students and the community in mind. I know that you feel personally responsible for the students in ways that those who don’t do this work probably can’t understand. I see you. 

– who own or manage a business, I see you. I know you are making the most sound choices possible with an eye to keeping your employees safely employed, keeping your customers safe, not losing the livelihood that you depend on, and being of value to your community. I know how hard that must be in this crisis situation. I know you probably feel like no answer will be the right answer and it seems like an impossible struggle. I see you. 

– who are teachers at any level, I see you. I know you are trying to figure out what will happen if your school has to go to online classes, or restructure the learning environment. I know you are worried about how you talk about this with your students of any age. I know that you are feverishly going over your plans for the rest of the term and feel rather underwater. I thank you for educating our world. I see you.

– who are students. I see you. I know it is worrisome to think about changing your way of learning. I know you may be worried about the impact on your grades and future. I hear the sadness of losing events and celebrations and the loneliness of being away from your peers. I believe you will make it through the year but know you can ask for help. I see you. 

– who are medical professionals. I see you. I know you are worrying about your patients, trying to figure out if there is anything you can do in this crisis, and working on practices and policies for your caregiving work. I know that it must be so hard to not really have answers for the people that rely on you. I know it will be crushing to lose patients to this. I see you.

– who work in vital public service fields. I see you. I know you are looking at the situation and realizing that if you or your co-workers start needing to take time off, you might leave the communities that you serve in the lurch. I know you took these jobs to serve others and so you care deeply about that. I see what an awful position this may put you in. I see you.

– who work jobs that don’t allow for you to take time off without losing the funds or insurance that you or your loved ones need. I see you. I know you feel like you are being squeezed by the opposing advice about social distancing and need to do your job based on economic and responsibility factors. I know there is no easy answer for you and you might be afraid. I see you.

– who are parents. I see you. I know you are thinking all the time about your children and if there is anything you can do to protect them. I know you are trying to toe the line between alarming them needlessly and getting them to understand the risks and take reasonable precautions. I know some of you are trying to be teachers and parents at the same time. If your children are grown or don’t live in your home, I know you wish they were in your sight so that you could check on them throughout the day. I see you.

– who are daughters, sons, children, in-laws, aunts, uncles, and siblings. I see you. I know you have worries about your family, particularly those who have other health issues or are older. I know you are losing sleep thinking about what you can or should be doing for them. I hear the worry in your words and sometimes the quiet panic. I see you.

– who are just plain afraid. I see you. This is surreal and awful. I know you are thinking that even if you come out of it fine, there will be lives lost and economic well-being destroyed for others. I know it is eating at you in a variety of ways. I hear you trying to keep your worry in check because you don’t want to be panicked or cause that in others. I see you.

I hope that today you can find an hour, or two, to turn off the news and spend that time doing something that fills your soul. It doesn’t have to be yoga (but it could!) or meditation (also good). I hope you can read a book or listen to music or play with your dog or annoy your cat or watch a silly movie or do a puzzle or whatever gives you real joy. 

I see you and care about you, my friends. 

xo