Tag Archives: connection

Right? Teaching Affirmation and Participatory Learning

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Image by Conor Lawless

Many many years ago, when I first started teaching college courses, I developed a verbal tic. Having been involved in public speaking from middle school on, I very rarely would “um.” So, that wasn’t a problem for me.

However, I was uncertain about my ability to teach effectively. I also really wanted the students to participate in the class, but I feared the loss of control that occurs when there is a fully free-flowing discussion. These things together caused me to ask students, at the end of a sentence or explanation, “ok?” I really meant it, too. I meant, “Is this ok? Do you understand this? Are we on the same page here?” But, it quickly escalated to the point that I was saying it at the end of EVERY sentence and it was more of a verbal pause than anything else. It was a problem.

Eventually, I noticed myself saying “ok” repeatedly (I think it happened as I was grading student speeches and noting their verbal pauses), and I knew I had to get it under control. So, I started making it quieter, with some serious effort, until I was saying it primarily under my breath, and then concentrated on just shutting my mouth at the end of sentences. I am pretty sure I still said “ok?” in my head. That meant that I had to come up with other ways to engage students, and over time, I did.

Fast forward to recent years, when I started to teach yoga. Teaching yin, I don’t think it was an issue, because I had plenty of time to slowly work through what I was saying. But, after a while of teaching vinyasa classes, as a sub and then regularly, I realized that I had fallen into the same old habit, except with “right?” Again, it is because I mean it. I am asking the students to join me in this understanding of yoga philosophy or yoga benefits or asana practice ideas. So, I want to know… “Is this right, as far as you are concerned? Are you with me? Is this cool?” I really do want to know. Really.

But, there isn’t particularly a way/time for them to assent, even if they wanted to. They are busy, very busy, contorting their bodies to follow my instructions, keeping their focus on their breath, figuring out whether I really mean right when I say left. They don’t have time to provide me with affirmation or reduce my uncertainty, even if they wanted to. And, unlike in a communication classroom, I can’t replace that with a different dialogue like “Do you have any questions about X?,” because they are BUSY.

So, I’m working on it. I’m working on letting go of the need for them to affirm me in that way. I’m watching their bodies and faces to see if they are tracking what I’m saying rather than asking. I’m trying to focus on telling them what I believe and what I’ve seen and what I have read about yoga philosophy and theory and anatomy and physiology and letting them, in their own minds, decide whether it’s ok with them or I’m full of stuff and nonsense.

It’s a complicated dance and it is humbling to get a(nother) reminder that, even at 47 years of age, my need for approval remains strong. That urge to have others tell you that you are doing it right is intense!

Right?

It’s Only Yoga

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If you do much structured yoga asana, you may have had this experience in a class.

You are part way through a session, and getting into the really challenging pose.  You’re doing something particularly difficult (maybe a tricky inversion or an arm balance or both), and the teacher, in the spirit of encouragement, tells you not to fret if you can’t do the pose because, “It’s only yoga.”

It’s only yoga.  I am pretty sure that I know what teachers mean when they say that.  They mean that it’s only a physical exercise; it’s only asana; it’s only a practice.  But, what they often say is, “It’s only yoga.”  And every time I hear it, I have the same internal monologue.

Yoga is union.  Yoga is the connection between (self and divine, me and you, this and that, body and spirit).  Yoga is everything. What we are practicing is getting out of our own way so that we can see this connection that is already there.

So maybe, more appropriately, we should say, “It’s all yoga.”

The Yoga of Gathering with Friends

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Last night, I had the extreme pleasure of entertaining some friends at our home for a little party.  Entertaining is really not a good word, because I did very little to entertain anyone once they got there – other than bumbling poorly through some introductions (not my strongest area of social grace).  Once the cleaning, prep, and cooking were done, it was just a matter of waiting for the guests to arrive, and then – like making a vegetable soup with whatever you have in the crisper – seeing how the combination of familiar and unfamiliar flavors combine into new tastes.

Party guests, for this “birthday” party, were a combination of family members, friends from my workplace, and “yoga friends.”  It was an interesting mix.  There were many times during the evening when I wished I could listen in on all the conversations at one time, as old topics were renewed with vigor and new information and understandings were shared.

It was also a beautiful yoga experience.  I could see the flow from room to room as people moved in and out of poses and places, creating new shapes together, forging new connections and moving more deeply into places that had already been stretched by prior interaction.  Even the use of space had interesting dimensions, as some rooms and areas drew a large group of people at one point, and then remained empty at other times.  The grouping of people, and the selections made of conversational partners, also reflected the yogic idea of working with the edges of the body/mind.  As in a class, some people elected to really work those edges, spending most of their time in discussion with new acquaintances, while others primarily chatted with those they already knew.  I had the chance to have conversations with a couple of people who I’ve rarely gotten to speak to for more than a moment,  establishing new points of shared experience.

After the party, as after a practice, I felt tired but renewed.  Unlike a yoga practice, I won’t likely do this again next week, but it reminded me that a gathering with friends now and then is important and should not be neglected.

Namaste!

L